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Jabez eZones

Jabez eTutor

Jabez  Blue eZone

Jabez  Red eZone

Jabez Yellow eZone

Jabez  Green eZone

Jabez  Brown  eZone

Speak Mandarin

Jabez Bible Study

Jabez Future



My Family Creed

Jabez Jokes

Jabez Sports

Jabez Robots

Jabez overseas

Jabez Fighters

Jabez Nature

Jabez Jokes Corner






Lesson 1 Jokes 1

Where is God

Kid says

Little Tommy

Sori Mum

Rabbi Hindu and Lawyer

The Lexus



Lesson 2 Riddles
Lesson 3 TBA
Lesson 4 TBA
Lesson 5 TBA 
Lesson 6 TBA
Lesson 7 TBA
Lesson 8 TBA
Lesson 9 TBA
Lesson 10 TBA

Lesson 1 Jokes 1

Where is God?

A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved.

They boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining
children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually. So the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.

The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?".

They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed. So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!!?" Again the boy made no attempt to answer. So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?"

The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time, dude. God is missing - and they think WE did it!"

Kids Say

Some grade school teachers must agree with that, because they keep journals of amusing things their students have written in papers. Here are a few examples:

- The future of "I give" is "I take."

- The parts of speech are lungs and air.

- The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes.

- A census taker is man who goes from house to house increasing the population.

- A virgin forest is a forest where the hand of man has never set foot.

- The general direction of the Alps is straight up.

- A city purifies its water supply by filtering the water then forcing it through an aviator.

- Most of the houses in France are made of plaster of Paris.

- The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 opossums.

- The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top and you sit on the bottom.

- We do not raise silk worms in the United States, because we get our silk from rayon. He is a larger worm and gives more silk.

- A scout obeys all to whom obedience is due and respects all duly constipated authorities.

- One of the main causes of dust is janitors.

- One by-product of raising cattle is calves.

- To prevent head colds, use an agonizer to spray into the nose until it drips into the throat.

The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

- The climate is hottest next to the Creator.

- Oliver Cromwell had a large red nose, but under it were deeply religious feelings.

- The word trousers is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.

- Syntax is all the money collected at the church from sinners.

- The blood circulates through the body by flowing down one leg and up the other.

- In Spring, the salmon swim upstream to spoon.

- Iron was discovered because someone smelt it.

- In the middle of the 18th century, all the morons moved to Utah.

- A person should take a bath once in the Summer, not so often in the Winter.

 Little Tommy Can't Find The Bathroom

Billy was excited about his first day at school. So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after class started, he realized that he desperately needed to go to the bathroom.

So, Billy raised his hand politely to ask if he could be excused. Of course, the teacher said yes, but asked Billy to be quick.

Five minutes later Billy returned, looking more desperate and embarrassed. "I can't find it," he admitted.

The teacher sat Billy down and drew him a little diagram to where he should go and asked him if he will be able to find it now. Billy looked at the diagram, said "yes" and goes on his way.

Well five minutes later he returned to the class room and says to the teacher, "I can't find it."

Frustrated, the teacher asked Tommy, a boy who has been at the school for awhile, to help him find the bathroom.

So, Tommy and Billy go together and five minutes later they both return and sit down at their seats. The teacher asks Tommy, "Well, did you find it?"

Tommy is quick with his reply, "Oh sure, he just had his boxer shorts on backwards

 Sori mum

Late one Saturday evening, I was awakened by the ringing of my phone. In a sleepy grumpy voice I said hello. The party on the other end of the line paused for a moment before rushing breathlessly into a lengthy speech.

"Mom, this is Susan and I'm sorry I woke you up, but I had to call because I'm going to be a little late getting home. See, Dad's car has a flat but it's not my fault. Honest! I don't know what happened. The tire just went flat while we were inside the theater. Please don't be mad, okay?"

Since I don't have any daughters, I knew the person had dialed my number by mistake.

"I'm sorry dear," I replied, "but you've reached the wrong number. I don't have a daughter named Susan."

"Gosh, Mom," the young woman's voice replied, "I didn't think you'd be this mad."

A Rabbi, a Hindu, and a lawyer

A Rabbi, a Hindu, and a lawyer are in a car. They run out of gas and are forced to stop at a farmer's house. The farmer says that there are only two extra beds, so one person will have to sleep in the barn.

The Hindu says, 'I'm humble, I will sleep in the barn.' So, he goes out to the barn. In a few minutes, the farmer hears a knock on the door. It's the Hindu and he says, 'There is a cow in the barn. It's against my beliefs to sleep with a cow.'

So, the Rabbi says, 'I'm humble, I'll sleep in the barn.' A few minutes later, the farmer hears another knock on the door and it's the Rabbi. He says that it is against his beliefs to sleep where there is a pig and there is a pig in the barn.

So, the lawyer is forced to sleep in the barn. A few minutes later, there is a knock on the door.

It's the pig and the cow...

The Lexus

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore off the door on the driver's side. The
lawyer immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up.

Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.

When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."

"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.

The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."

"My God!" screamed the lawyer. "Where's my Rolex?"



Lesson 2 RIDDLES


(Put your cursor over the riddle and read the answer. Or put your cursor over the purple answer pin.)

A sourpuss!What do you call a kitten drinking lemonade?
     (submitted by Jstra)

He was too big for the elevator!Why did King Kong climb to the top of the Empire State building?
     (submitted by Aziza Somani)

Three!There were two ducks in front of a duck and two ducks behind a duck, and one duck in the middle. How many ducks were there in total?
     (submitted by Amy Hewitt)

A fruit fly!What do you call a zipper on a banana?
     (submitted by Tanvi Tyagi)

A fsh!What do you call a fish without an eye?
     (submitted by Demeke)

Racecar!What vehicle is spelled the same backwards and forwards?
     (submitted by Rizka of Kuwait)

Chase parked cars!What do lazy dogs do for fun?
     (submitted by Katie Kempf)

Fish and ships!What do sea monsters eat?
     (submitted by Tamara Cougar & the Cougar Cubs)

When it hugs the shore!When does a boat show affection?
     (submitted by Amreen Ram)

Edam!What kind of cheese is made backwards?
     (submitted by Lauren M.)

Dry!What kind of stones are never found in the ocean?
     (submitted by Mandar Kulkarni)

Electricity!What city has no people?
     (submitted by amreen ram)

Every lunch it went back four seconds!Why did the clock in the cafeteria always run slow?
     (submitted by Rachelle Willcutts)

All his uncles were ants!Why was the baby ant confused?
     (submitted by Tim Z.)

Because it was not peeling well!Why did the banana go to the doctor?
     (submitted by Emory Ann Howell)

All of them!What month has 28 days?
     (submitted by Shannon Horn)

I don't know, but when it talks, you better listen carefully!What do you get when you cross a parrot with a tiger?
     (submitted by Soccer)

SpongeBob SmartyPants!What do you get when you cross SpongeBob with Albert Einstein?
     (submitted by Peter Vatkov)

Frostbite!What do you get when you cross a snowman with a wolf?
     (submitted by Rachelle Willcutts)

A towel!What gets wetter the more it dries?
     (submitted by Alexandra Keane)

The library!What building has the most stories?
     (submitted by Szesze)

Two lips!What flowers do you always wear?
     (submitted by Mary McCormick)

Ten tickles! (tentacles)What can make an octopus laugh?
     (submitted by Debbie Huey)

K9P!If a fire hydrant has H2O inside, what does it have on the outside?
     (submitted by Patrick M.)

A jeweler sells watches and a jailer watches cells!What's the difference between a jeweler and a jailer?
     (submitted by Diana DeWitt)

The letter R!What is in the middle of Paris?
     (submitted by Diana DeWitt)

Wet!If you drop a yellow hat in the Red Sea, what does it become?
     (submitted by Anna Baas-Anderson)

A goose!What grows down when it grows up?
     (submitted by Ian Salitrynski)

The letter M!What occurs once in a minute, twice in a moment and never in a thousand years?
     (submitted by Amanda Zielstra)

His horse is named Friday!How could a cowboy ride into town on Friday, stay two days, and ride out on Friday?
     (submitted by Darren)

Silence!What is so fragile even saying its name can break it?
     (submitted by SmileG)

Mothematics!What do moths study in school?
     (submitted by Bunji)

Holes!What can you put in a wood box that will make it lighter?
     (submitted by Jill Julki)

A trombone!What bone keeps getting longer and shorter?
     (submitted by Patrick M.)

Your age.What goes up but never goes down?
     (submitted by Shane Scott)

Incorrectly.What 11-letter English word does everyone pronounce incorrectly?
     (submitted by Seo Yung Kyun)

O I C U R M T.What seven letters did Old Mother Hubbard say
when she opened her cupboard?

     (submitted by Patrick M.)

Because they are two tired (too tired).Why won't bikes stand up by themselves?
     (submitted by Tracy Baker.)

Because pepper water makes them sneeze.Why do sharks only swim in salt water?
     (submitted by Justin B.)

If they drop them they break.Why do chickens lay eggs?
     (submitted by Patrick M.)

When it is ajar!When can you put pickles in a door?
     (submitted by Patrick M.)

Because seven eight nine!Why is six afraid of seven?
     (submitted by Mason Juenger)

Mom!What do you call your father-in-law's
only child's mother-in-law?

     (submitted by Fara Issa)

Because they never learned to cook!Why do lions eat raw meat?
     (submitted by Sean Mitchell)

There are too many cheetahs (cheaters)!Why don't African animals play games?
     (submitted by Sean Mitchell)

A car tune (cartoon)!What do you call a song about a car?
     (submitted by Adam Ouellette)

Because he was feeling crummy!Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
     (submitted by EdeeM)

None, it was Noah.How many animals did Moses take on the Ark?
     (submitted by Peter Mannetti)

An umbrella.What goes up a chimney down, but won't go down a chimney up?
     (submitted by Mavis Santo)

A zebra wearing too much lipstick.What's black and white and red all over?
     (submitted by Kristie)

Antarctica.What is the largest ant in the world?
     (submitted by Rory Kirkpatrick)

An elephant.What is the largest living ant in the world?
     (submitted by Patrick M.)

One scent.How much is a skunk worth?
     (submitted by Jeremy Gister)

A hot air baboon.What kind of monkey can fly?
     (submitted by Patrick M.)

Because it was a good batter.Why did the cake like to play baseball?

Someone laughing their head off.What goes hahaha, plop?

They told her it was a maneating lion.Why didn't the lady run away from the attacking lion?

Because leopards are already born with spots.Why has no one ever spotted a leopard in Africa?

It split.What did the banana do when it heard the ice scream?

I'd rather have a tiger eat a lion.Would you rather have a tiger eat you or a lion?

What has 3 heads, is ugly, and smells bad?Oops, my mistake, you don't have three heads.







Lesson 3 TBA

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Lesson 4  TBA

Lesson 5 TBA


Lesson 6   TBA    

Lesson 7   TBA

Lesson 8    TBA

Lesson 9   TBA

Lesson 10   TBA